Misadventure # 2: The Case of the Terrible Texter

Are you the only woman who thinks that maybe men this day and age expect you to be at their beck and call 24/7 via text? Or conversely, are you THAT girl… you know what I am talking about… the one that will send five texts like “did u get my txt”, “r u there”, or the best “if you don’t like me just tell me”. All sent within a small frame of time. So let me lay it out there… DO NOT BE NEEDY! I don’t care if you are male or female, if you want to send out a bright flashing light that screams “walk all over me” you just have to text them a million times a day. For me, if I do not respond to you, I am probably busy and/or occupied. So, give the person some space. In these days of instant gratification some of us forget that not everyone is glued to their phone.

So, let’s imagine a boy. He is a little rough around the edges, tattooed, punk rockish. Now, I date a lot of random guys. They range from preppy, normal guys to…well everything. I am not picky if they seem interesting, genuine, and are brighter than the dullest crayon. Anyways, we will call this subject Mr. Tattoo. He seemed smart enough when I first met him and I thought that we hit it off. His declarations of hating drama soothed my wary nerves. I found myself laughing and flirting with him the whole night. Eventually numbers were exchanged and he bet he would be bothering me soon. (Laugh if you get the song that reference is from.)

Within a respectable amount of time he did indeed communicate with me. It was something highly intelligent like “Hey girl”, but at least he did not punctuate it in text slang so I was mildly impressed. He inquired to know what my schedule was like. I informed him that I was pretty booked up for the next few days, but would love to hang out 5 days from today. Apparently this was not goddamngoodenough –yes I say it like that- so he became what I like to refer to as a “mangina” or manly vagina. Let me chronicle his responses over the next two hours… I was at work mind you for the solid two hours and unable to respond to him. Here we go:

Mr. Tattoo: So u r too busy for me

Mr. Tattoo: R u there

Mr. Tattoo: If you are busy just let me know

Mr. Tattoo: I get it, just tell me your not interested

Mr. Tattoo: If you want to flake fine

Mr. Tattoo: It’s all good. I am a player but I like you

Mr. Tattoo: U r really gonna play me like that

Mr. Tattoo: Fine. Peace

Once I checked my phone after clocking off you can imagine my shock at this supposedly secure guy who has suddenly become emotionally unstable. At once my brain started formulating things to say to him before I calmed down. Something like: “Hello dickface, did you think for one minute that I would be able to talk to you within the last two hours… while AT WORK? I guess not, even though my phone was in my desk and therefore all of the conclusions you have drawn are obtusely exaggerated. Instead I replied with a simple “I have been at work” although this did not seem to placate the bastard.

Far from being reasonable he decided to go the crazy route which is something I am not unaccustomed to. He began to rant about my lack of sensitivity no less and to accuse me of being a slut. Being called a slut makes me laugh to no end for a couple of reasons. One, there is the double standard of men being able to sleep with whomever the wish. Two, I am actually pretty closed off about the men (using this term loosely) seeing or being in my vagina. So, I guess you could say I am actually selective within reason about my partners. Not to say sex or multiple partners are bad, it is just not my cup of tea.

At this point I have pretty much decided that this dude was way too needy for me and wanted me to be available to him entirely too much. I sent a very simple text saying “you are too needy, please do not contact me again” and I only received a few more messages after that. Hah! Needless to say I ignored them. Note to readers: being slightly unavailable is a GOOD thing. Benjamin Franklin said, “appetite is the best pickle” meaning when you hunger for something it is the best appetizer. So, if you are too available for them or vice versa you will never understand what it is like to be satisfied after wanting. I know from experience that having to wait a reasonable time for anything makes me appreciate it that much more.

The moral of this story is this: Don’t be a fucking needy push over!! Everyone likes to know if the other person likes them, but over messaging and being needy are not ways to win someone’s heart. Trust me… it makes me run screaming in the other direction and you should feel the same way.  This concludes our case. Until next time…